I'm a Little Teapot by George Sanders and Clarence Kelly

I'm a Little Teapot

I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle, here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout
Tip me over and pour me out
--George Sanders and Clarence Kelly

I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle, here is my...other handle
Oops...
I'm a little sugar bowl short and stout...
--Author Unknown

Here's another from my intermittent series on poems with funny responses. I don't think it needs much explanation.

I've been feeling more and more like a teapot lately, not so much short, but definitely round and bulgy. Even my stretchiest pants don't fit around my belly anymore, and driving is starting to be a problem (If I recline far enough to keep from squishing my belly, then my arms aren't long enough to reach the steering wheel).

Yesterday I decided to take a nap on the couch (My doctor has been suggesting daytime naps to make up for my lousy sleeping at night). I was only out for an hour or so, but I neglected to prop up all the relevant bits with pillows like I do at night. Bad Idea! I was SOOOO sore all evening. I felt like somebody had folded me in half, then roughly unfolded me but neglected to work the kinks out of my ribs and spine. Consequently, it felt like very sharp bony bits were poking thru my innards -- especially my lungs (which were in bad shape to begin with having been squished for weeks now).

While I was trying to describe how I felt to Peter, I remembered a game Daddy used to play with us. He'd say, "Gravity Belt OFF!" and hold some body part up in the air while we tried to get it down. Then when he got tired, he'd shout, "Gravity Belt ON!" and crush whoever he was playing with to the floor under an enormously heavy arm or leg (Telling it like this, it sounds like seriously abusive behavior, but Daddy always knew just how hard he could push without actually hurting a child, and if we really wanted to stop, he would). Anyway, last night I felt like somebody shouted "Gravity Belt ON!" and then forgot to turn it off.

There's six weeks to go in this pregnancy, but I am SO ready to be done with it and see the baby for real.