Trochee trips from long to short; From long to long in solemn sort Slow Spondee stalks, strong foot!, yet ill able Ever to come up with Dactyl's trisyllable. Iambics march from short to long. With a leap and a bound the swift Anapests throng. One syllable long, with one short at each side, Amphibrachys hastes with a stately stride -- First and last being long, middle short, Amphimacer Strikes his thundering hoofs like a proud high-bred Racer.
If Derwent be innocent, steady, and wise, And delight in the things of earth, water, and skies; Tender warmth at his heart, with these meters to show it, With sound sense in his brains, may make Derwent a poet -- May crown him with fame, and must win him the love Of his father on earth and his father above. My dear, dear child! Could you stand upon Skiddaw, you would not from its whole ridge See a man who so loves you as your fond S.T. Colerige. --Samuel Taylor Coleridge
I found this poem at my favorite poetry site while doing earlier posts when I was still trying to make this a blog about poetry rathern than a blog about my life with a poetic soundtrack.
For those of you who are confused about this poem and why it's so difficult to read smoothly, I'll offer a quick explanation, with a chart I'm stealing outright from the above-linked site.
Most poems pick a meter and stick with it the whole way through, and your mouth knows what to expect as you read aloud -- think how easy it is to read Dr. Seuss aloud even with all the nonsense words. In this poem, he takes each of the well known meters, and as soon as you get used to reading one, he changes to another. It's like running a race where you hop for ten steps, then grapevine, then skip then run, then walk backwards. It's doable, and interesting, but not elegant. This one was written as a study aide for his son.
The metres (where /, -, s and l are stressed, unstressed, short and long syllables respectively)
Trochee / - Spondee / / Dactyl / - - Iamb - / Anapest - - / Amphibrach s l s Amphimacer l s l
The latter two feet are based on short and long rather than stressed and unstressed syllables, and apply to Greek and Latin poetry.
When Mom sent me a link to a "poetic table of the elements" and said, "You MUST do a blog post on this!" I thought that it was going to be something similar where somebody had somehow organized poetic terms or "the elements" of poetry in a clever way.
It turned out to be a site that had a poem for each (well for most) of the elements in the regular old periodic table. It's a fun idea, and for a chemestry nerd like my brother David (and I say that with all the love in the world) it might be worth exploring. I don't know or care enough about chemestry to see which poems have clever ways of describing elements through words (I imagine something like having the number of words in each line indicate the electron levels while describing the physical properties, or assigning a style of poetry to each subgroup on the table). The site also has lots of annoying popup ads, so I didn't spend much time ther. I'll leave that to the chemestry nerds.
Mom also tagged me in a blog game where you pick the fourth folder in your My Pictures folder and post the fourth picture in that folder. My pictures are a bit more organized than most people's (big surprise there), and you have to go several folders deep before you get to actual pictures, but I just kept going fourth, fourth, fourth till I found the one posted above.
It's Kari Seaver and a guy named Chris, who may now be her fiance? Husband? I don't know. I'm sure somebody told me at the time (I think it was taken sometime in 2007), but I've forgotten. Kari is Steve's age. They were born at almost the same time, but Steve was always about twice as big as Kari. The Seavers are very good friends of our family from when we lived in Mighigan (lo many years ago), and one of the few families we've kept in touch with over the years. Kari also lived with us for a school year when she was having some trouble with friends at her own school in Detroit. Her Dad took the black and white photos of the six of us kids that hang on the wall in the dining room at Mom's house.
Well there you go mom! This post is for you. I'll tag Mike, Helena, Kathey, and Marci.
It ain't necessarily so
It ain't necessarily so
De things dat yo' liable to read in de Bible
It ain't necessarily so
Li'l David was small but oh my
Li'l David was small but oh my
He fought big Goliath who lay down and dieth
Li'l David was small but oh my
Oh Jonah he lived in de whale
Oh Jonah he lived in de whale
For he made his home in dat fish's abdomen
Oh Jonah he lived in de whale
Li'l Moses was found in a stream
Li'l Moses was found in a stream
He floated on water 'til ole Pharaoh's daughter
She fished him she says from that stream
It ain't necessarily so
It ain't necessarily so
Dey tell all you chillun de debble's a villain
But 'taint necessarily so
To get into Hebben don' snap for a sebben
Live clean, don' have no fault
Oh I takes dat gospel whenever it's pos'ble
But wid a grain of salt
Methus'lah lived nine hundred years
Methus'lah lived nine hundred years
But who calls dat livin' when no gal'll give in
To no man what's nine hundred years
I'm preachin' dis sermon to show
It ain't nessa, ain't nessa
Ain't nessa, ain't nessa
It ain't necessarily so
--George and Ira Gershwin
While looking at the responses to Google's announcement that they oppose Prop 8, I came across a blog where the author was obviously a Christian. When someone started trying to debate with him in the comment threads about whether the Bible says homosexual relations are a sin (by the way, the terms used in 1 cor 6:9-10 are as "ambiguous" in their meaning as gay and queer are today. You can claim that they mean happy and odd respectively, but everybody knows what you mean when you use them), he said:
I believe the entire Bible is the inspired Word of God. I believe it is completely historically accurate, inerrant, and as relevant today as when it was written.
While I respect this person for the strength of his faith, I'm glad that my church doesn't ask me to espouse and believe a statement that is so obviously and demonstrably wrong. For starters, which translation of the Bible is complete and inerrant? KJV? New International? or the version that puts it all in street slang? I am not trying to disparage this man's faith, just to show that it is easy for others to do so.
I should start by mentioning that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day SaintsWe believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly. That means that we acknowledge that some error has crept in, but it's still mostly true. The real gem of our religion on this topic though, is that we don't have to rely on what's left of the Bible text to find out what God wants us to know today. If there is a question about what a passage of scripture means, or meant, or even said, we don't have to wait for some archaeologist to dig up the holy grail of Bible scholarship -- a first edition original -- we have modern prophets to tell us what God's word on the topic is TODAY.
Honestly, not every word of the Bible is meant to be taken literally. There's a LOT of symbolism in there. I don't think that even most people espousing the opinion quoted above believe that every parable that Christ taught was a true story about a real person. I wouldn't be upset to learn that some of the Old Testament stories (especially the ones in the "poetic books" like Job and Jonah) were made up to teach an important gospel lesson. And really, it doesn't matter whether it's literally accurate or not -- the Bible is still true.
Take, for example, the problems caused by making the creation story in Genesis a literal exact history. You get silliness like the Creation Museum. Official Church Doctrine on the subject says something like: "God Created the Earth. God Created Man in His Own Image. The Church Does Not Have an Official Position On How He Did It." That means that there is no need to be in conflict with scientific theories on the subject. While they might not have all the answers yet, the ideas of evolution, geology, astronomy, and physics are very practical ways of looking at the world, and have provided many life saving (and labor saving too) technological advances.
So when we want to know whether the Biblical condemnations of homosexual behavior are a mistranslation, or an outmoded social norm (like having to have your head covered to pray), or a commandment for another time that has now been fulfilled (like Christians believe the Law of Moses to be), we don't have to guess. We look to the prophet. And the prophet, Thomas S Monson has said that homosexual behavior is a sin, and that we, as church members should do all we can to pass Proposition 8.
I had been thinking about making a post that listed what I thought were the most potent arguments against allowing Same Sex Marriages, but then I found a sarcastic list floating around, and decided that I couldn't, in good conscience, post something that would feed that flame (The list is actually pretty funny, though I wouldn't go clicking around elsewhere on that site).
Instead, I'll just give a stream of consciousness outline of what I think when I think about it.
The Prophets and the scriptures tell us that any sexual relationship outside of marriage is a sin.
That includes Homosexual relations of any kind in the same way it includes adultery, fornication, sodomy, pederasty, incest, bestiality, and any other sexual relations outside of marriage.
In online discussions I've read, proponents of Same Sex Marriage (SSM from now on) try to distance themselves from the last few things on the list, but they don't even bother trying to deny that homosexuality is like the first two, because they are so accepted (and even glorified) in our culture today that most kids aren't being raised in a home with two married parents anymore.
Nobody tries to deny that committing adultery is a choice that someone makes. They may try to justify it by saying that they were sexually attracted to the other person, and they couldn't help their feelings, but no injured wife has ever felt less betrayed because she knew that her roving husband was so attracted to the marriage wrecker that he "just couldn't help himself." Indeed, using that argument just makes it worse, because as millions of faithfully married (and chaste single) people know, you can help yourself.
As premarital and extramarital sex have become more acceptable in our culture, more and more people engage in them. I think it's my duty to help as many of God's children live moral lives as I can. That includes preaching at church that sex outside of marriage is wrong. The more acceptable SSM is, the more people will engage in this sin.
Fine, say the homosexuals, if it's just sex outside of marriage that bothers you, let us get married. Here's where it gets tricky.
If you believe that there's such a thing as absolute Right and Wrong, and that God has given us commandments that ought to be followed, then the answer to that is, "Sorry, God, through His prophets and the scriptures, says that homosexual relations are a sin, and that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman before God, and that's all there is to it."
Those people who don't believe in God or any absolute right and wrong may be swayed by arguments about the social reasons for government-recognized marriage, but they're the ones that the sarcastic list I linked to above are aimed at. And the argument is compelling: if it makes me happy with no cost to you, then what do you care?
So if they're not allowed to get married, then they have to live their whole lives without a fulfilling sexual relationship? Sadly, yes.
So how can your Loving God justify that one? I had a hard time with this question for a while. I though of the single women out there who will never find a husband in this life, who are held to the same standard. But at least they still have hope... Again, it's a tough question without an easy answer. I encourage you to read this interview with Elder Dallin H. Oaks, one of our church's General Authorities. He talks very lovingly about these issues. Some points that I want to mention here are that same gender attraction is a temporary condition of mortality like paralysis or mental impairment that make it impractical or impossible to marry, but in the Resurrection and Eternity, it won't be a problem, and all God's faithful children will have the opportunity, whether in this life or the next, to enjoy all the blessings of an Eternal marriage. That quick summary may not make sense to those not of our faith, so I REALLY encourage you to read the whole interview.
But say the proponents of SSM, the Constitution forbids establishment of religion -- the laws can't be based on what your religion thinks is a sin.
This is the biggest reason I'm fighting to pass Proposition 8. If it fails, then my freedom to practice my religion will be curtailed. That's a right that is explicitly in the Constitution, and not something that's sort of kind of implied to only a slim majority of the judges involved in the case that stirred this whole mess up.
What do you mean? Gays getting married won't affect you at all. The thing is, it will. History has shown that there will be some militant couples that want to force everybody to not only tolerate their relationship, but condone and approve of it. They'll ask to get married in one of our chapels or something like that, and when we refuse, they'll sue to take away our tax-exempt status. My church donations and my tax dollars will be spent to fight those court battles.
Others have threatened to sue churches that preach against homosexuality for hate speech, and if anybody doubts that they'll actually do it, they're deluded. As I said earlier, the more accepted SSM is in our culture, the more people will engage in that sin. I want my church to continue to have the right to preach against it (as we preach against all forms of immorality), and if this proposition fails, we're one step closer to losing that right. This link has a very informative article about some of the other civil liberties that are at stake.
Then there are the children. Oh No! say the opponents of Prop 8 You're not going to hide behind the children are you? Well, first of all, I'm not hiding behind them. There are plenty of other reasons. But then again, what's wrong with wanting a better world for my children? Environmentalists use that argument all the time, and I don't see everyone chastising them for that. But back to my point, there are two groups of children that we need to be worried about in this issue:
First, there are the children of the Gay or Lesbian couples -- whether adopted or born with one or both of the parents' DNA through natural or medically assisted means. These children will grow up without the influence of either a mother or a father. That would be sad and confusing for them. But there's millions of kids in single parent homes without mothers or fathers, are you going to outlaw them too? If it was practical, or even possible, we might try. As it is, it's sad and confusing for them too, and we wish that every child could grow up in a complete family.
Then there's my children. I have a baby daughter, and I'm already worried about sending her out into the world to be bombarded with temptations. As SSM becomes more acceptable, it will be more tempting to my daughter and her peers. Some people have such strong homosexual feelings that they would never consider a heterosexual relationship, but others, especially in the confusing hormone rush of adolescence, are not so decided. They'll be encouraged, by equal exposure in health classes in the public schools, to experiment with homosexuality, and some children who would not otherwise have made that lifestyle choice, now will. I think that's something worth fighting against.
Well, I ended up making a list just like I said I wouldn't. I hope, though, that my arguments are at least a little less ludicrous than those in the humor piece. I know that there are many people out there that I have no chance of convincing. To those people, I ask for a little tolerance. Please don't fill my comments with posts calling me ugly names. I've had enough of them already. For those that are on the fence on this issue, I hope my points have answered some of your questions, and if you have others, feel free to ask them and I'll be happy to answer. Honestly, I don't know whether anybody outside my own family will read this post (though I know I occasionally get a few other readers), but it's so important to me that even if this is just a journal entry to remember this tumultuous time, it'll still be worth writing.
The spider weaves a sticky web To capture bugs to eat. What keeps the spider's sticky web From sticking to her feet?
Spider webs are very tricky Because not all the strands are sticky. Unlike the passing hapless fly, The spider knows which strands are dry.
But if she accidentally stands Upon one of the sticky strands, She still would not get stuck, you see-- Her oily body slides off free. --Amy Goldman Koss
I had heard of this habit of spiders, of course, but had never seen it demonstrated as clearly as today on our walk. Some kind of dust has blown onto this spioder web and only stuck to some of the strands. It's very pretty.
I've been thinking, "I'd better write that down!" fairly often this week when Elizabeth does something new, so that means you all get to hear me bragging about the baby again. That's probably a good thing, because every time I write about myself and my own feelings, everybody writes back with deep concern asking if I'm all right.
While I appreciate the sentiment, and knowing that you care, I think I ought to put a disclaimer on here that says that one of the major purposes of this blog is therapeutic. Yes, I write in the blog when I'm feeling down, and yes I spell out in gruesome detail all the horrible things I've been thinking and feeling, but the act of writing them down lets me let go of them and not have to keep worrying about them anymore. In the case of the conference post last week, all the lousy stuff at the start was there to be a contrast to the wonderful hope filled talks, and to show how much good they did in changing my attitude from lousy to thankful and at peace. By the time you read how bad I was feeling, I was already over it.
The time when you should really worry is when there have been several dark posts, and then nothing at all -- especially no braggy about Elizabeth posts -- for a while. That means I'm too depressed to even bother writing, and that's bad news.
But we're not anywhere close to that right now. Let's get to the good stuff:
Bathtime for Elizabeth has moved from the kitchen sink into the big tub. The first time I tried it, and when we tried it in Ohio, she was very frightened and cried, and just generally wanted out. I think that the noise of the water running and echoing off the tiles was scary, and that on top of other new experiences, the sensory overload was just too much. When I take her in for a bath now, she still startles at the noise. It's very cute -- she grabs me tight, buries her head in my arm, and kicks her legs. But then once she feels secure, she looks towards the noise, curious to see what it is (she has exactly the same reaction to the blender and the vacuum). I talk reassuringly to her about what a loud noise the water makes, then put her in the tub.
When she sees the bath toys floating in the water, she starts to make her bathtime happy chirping noise. She started making this noise when she was still bathing in the sink -- especially when she would play with the pink rubber duckie that tels if the water is to hot. I'm not sure if the noise refers to the ducky, or the special happiness of being in warm water with fun things to play with, or has expanded to include the happiness of making a louder echoing noise than the scary water is still making, but her bouncing smiling body language leaves no doubt that she's happy to be there.
While in the tub, she likes the challenge of catching a floating toy, chewing on mermaid hair, getting water poured on her back, watching water get poured out of a big cup, trying to drink from the big cup, watching the water droplets condense and run down the side of the tub, and feeling the currents when Mama swishes the water around. Sometimes she'll notice that she can make a splash too, and will play with that for a while, but it's not very often, and she seems surprised each time.
We've been taking a lot of baths recently because along with the normal messiness of everyday living, there's the special messiness of going to the park and crawling around eating the rocky dirt that passes for sand there, learning to feed herself food other than the nice sanitary puffs that Mama has been giving her, and getting sweaty in the heat waves we've been having (alternating with chilly weather more appropriate for October). Bathtime is also uniquely calming, and can get her to stop crying even when she's woken too early from a nap by sore gums (she's teething again).
Speaking of eating, I had a kind of revelation when I got back from my trip to Ohio. I realized that Elizabeth wasn't just chewing on things because she's a baby, or because she's teething. When she systematically gnawed the entire cover off a book by taking bites out of the cardboard, thoughtfully chewing, then going back for another bite, I finally got that she might want to be eating real food, and not just the almost liquid diet of milk and babyfood I had been giving her. I realized that my efforts to keep her from getting staining food on her pretty clothes were stifling her urges to learn and grow. I've been trying to let her explore more types of foods, and I've been doing things like taking her clothes off entirely, or putting enormous bibs on so that I can let go. She still managed to get banana stain (who knew that bananas of all things would be my worst stain enemy?) on her pretty red and white dress, but she sure had fun doing it. Some of the things she likes to eat are: pita bread, tortillas, puffs, bananas, fruit cocktail, stewed tomatoes from chili, frozen baby food shaved ice (more texture than room temperature, and the cold is soothing on the gums), and yesterday, she had fun gnawing on my apple. She wants to learn how to drink from a cup, use a spoon, and grab anything on Mama's plate, and I need to find ways to let her be messy as she does it. By the way, she still loves eating paper and cardboard. When sitting at the table, she often gets distracted by noises from outside the window. There are some wind chimes that are particularly fascinating, but even more so are sounds of the neighbor girl going outside to watch her grandma water the plants. Skylee (sp?) is about 7 or 8 months older than Elizabeth, and can walk and talk (in a kind of half Spanish/ half English baby talk that's almost entirely unintelligible to me). Grandma knows about as much English as I know Spanish, and I expect we both understand a lot more than we can come up with to say, so there's not a lot of deep communication that goes on between us. Elizabeth ad Skylee don't really care though, and just like to look at/grab each other and generally enjoy just watching the other be a happy little girl. When Elizabeth hears Skylee, nothing will satisfy her except going outside to see (she'll even start to cry if I don't take her out quickly enough). I'm still not certain that she doesn't think that other kids are just a special kind of kitty, a fascinating thing that moves in order to entertain her, but it's nice to see that she's becoming more social.
Speaking of kitties, our evening walks have become kitty hunts for Elizabeth. Our mobile home park has a large population of feral cats, and the management does nothing about it. It frustrates me, because they all seem to think my garden should be their litter box, and they don't even bother to bury it, so we get lots of enormous flies breeding in our yard. At the same time, it makes me happy that Elizabeth can get her kitty fix each day. When she spots one from the stroller, she sits up on the edge of her seat, kicks her legs, reaches out her hands, and starts panting (which is her way of saying, "I see it! I want it! I'm gonna work hard to get it!" about anything). We walk very slowly up to the kitty in question, trying not to spook it so that Elizabeth can get a good look. Most of the kitties are pretty patient, and a few will even give us a good meow or leg rub before slinking off under a car or house. A couple of times we've even seen a skunk out on his nightly prowls (we think he lives under our next-door-neighbor's house), but I wouldn't let Peter push Elizabeth's stroller nearer to him. Elizabeth's current hobby is looking out my office window. At first, I let her just stand on the floor, but after she gnawed through the paint on the windowsill down to the plaster, I found I needed to make sure that part wasn't at mouth level anymore. Now she stands on a grey box full of random cords bits of electronics which was originally a barrier, but now is a stepstool to give her a better vantage point. She will stand there looking out the window for a good solid hour while I read email, write in my blog, or sew Halloween costumes. She seems to like the changing scenery -- she gets really excited when a car goes by -- and the breeze coming in and blowing in her face. I gave her one of the sparkleys I had hanging there to catch the sun, and she twists and turns and chews on and bangs it, providing all the entertainment she needs. Occasionally, she will drop the sparkley, and be sad when she can't bend down and pick it up (if it falls between the box and the wall or into the fabric and netting next to the box), but a quick noise of displeasure alerts Mama that something is amiss, and the problem is soon remedied. When I say she stands for an hour, I really mean that she does a kind of dance that involves squatting down, pulling up, side-stepping back and forth, bouncing, and sometimes (with increasing frequency) letting go altogether in order to manipulate the sparkley with both hands without relinquishing her view of the outside world. She can stand unsupported for a good 30 seconds to a minute, and likes to practice balancing. When we clap for her, she'll even start to show off by leaning and correcting or bending down and coming back up.
While I'm on the subject of the office, there's a funny/sad story I want to tell. You may remember that a few months ago, I posted a youtube video of Elizabeth trying to get the rattle on her exersaucer. She's been yanking on the rattle for months now, and one day I detached it from the saucer. The poor baby was OVERCOME with glee. This video is about ten minutes later, and she's still frequently doubled up with happiness at finally being able to hold the whole thing. It makes me kind of sad to know that she's been so frustrated for months over this thing.
I've posted several pictures of Elizabeth in her pumpkin hat, which I made after seeing a similar one in a flickr group of handcrafted baby stuff. One of the other hats I saw was a bunny hat. I might have been able to find and read a pattern to knit a similar one, but I'm really better at crochet, and Grandma Becky is always asking me what I want her to knit for Elizabeth, so I sent her the link and set her loose. Here's the result. In her email thank you note to Grandma, Elizabeth said, "Thank you Grandma, for my bunny hat! I wasn't cute enough before! ;)" Well, that's all for now. Elizabeth has been asleep for an hour and may wake up at any minute. I also need to eat some breakfast before it's lunchtime. Remember, there's more photos on Picasa and videos on youtube than I post in the blog. Links are in the sidebar.
Mr. Jack-o-lantern Is very round and fat. He has a yellow candle Tucked underneath his hat. It makes his face look scary (cheery) And very, very bright When he winks and smiles at me On spooky Halloween night! --Alene Dalton, Myriel Cluff Ashton and Erla Young
This was one of the Halloween songs we would sing at Family Home Evening in October when I was little. The other was Halloween Cat which I may post later. They both came from a book called My Picture Book of Songs with pictures by artist Erla Young published in 1947. for those interested, there are several copies available for sale online, and it seems that Deseret Book published a 50th anniversary edition. Provo Library also has a copy. I really liked the songs, but thought that there was something not quite right about the pictures. The kids were sooooo cheerful and bright eyed and rosy cheeked that it was kind of creepy (in a horror movie about baby dolls sort of way).
Lots of people have told me how cute the pumpkin hat is, so I thought I'd post directions so that anyone else who wants to can make one.
I used a size J-10 (6.0 mm) hook and Vanna's Choice Lion Brand yarn in Rust. The website says it's a Weight Category: 4 - Medium: Worsted-weight, Afghan, Aran Yarn Solids: 3.5 oz/100g; 170 yd/156 m balls. All stitches in this pattern are chaining or single crochet. It takes me a couple of hours (around 2 1/2 to 3) to make each hat.
To make each sections, chain 10, add one to turn, then single crochet back and forth 8 more times (for a total of 9 rows including the chain). It should be roughly square. When turning the next corner, don't chain one to turn, just go into the second stitch thereby decreasing one. Continue in this manner so there are 9 stitches on this row, 8 on the next, and so on down to one stitch that you cut the yarn and pull it through to make a knot. Make 7 or 8 sections. More sections make a bunchier hat. I made 7 to fit my 9 month old daughter. You could also adjust size by making more stitches per section -- though this will also make the sections taller. Attach two sections together by doing a single crochet through both along one edge. This will make a prominent ridge when you lay them flat, and a valley on the other side. You want this. Also, when you get to the angled part, feel free to make it tight, and use fewer stitches so that it curls a little. Both of these things contribute to the pumpkin shape. If you can manage to stitch over the loose ends, they'll stay hidden better than if you weave them in later with your hook. Continue stitching around the point of one section and down the other edge with a third segment. Make sure all the ridges will be on the inside of the hat (it's easy to do it the wrong way if you're not paying attention). When you get to the bottom, cut the yarn and pull it through. Attach all the sections in this manner till you've completed the circle. If you've planned well, you'll be at the bottom of the hat, and can start stitching around the bottom without cutting the yarn. Make one row around the bottom, evening out the seams and covering up loose ends. Mark where you begin with a scrap of yarn or safety pin so you'll know that you've completed a row even though we'll just continue around in a spiral. The next row you'll be decreasing. Skip one, then stitch two, then skip one, then stitch two. You get the idea. Essentially you're only paying attention to two out of every three stitches.
Try the hat on your baby after the decrease row. If it's loose, decrease again. You can skip fewer stitches if it's almost small enough, but I wouldn't skip more than one in three. Just add another decrease row if it's still too big.
Do about four rows of regular single crochet. When you're finished, weave the end into the next four stitches or so to make a nice even edge, then weave the rest into the stitches on just the inside of the hat so it doesn't show. There's a roundish hole in the center top of the hat where all the points meet. For the stem, use green or brown yarn to stitch around the inner edge of the hole. I like to stitch this part inside out so that the spiral ridges are on the outside when I'm done. Go around once or twice to make the stem, then start decreasing -- skipping one stitch in three for the next two rows, then every other stitch to make a point. clip the yarn and weave it in on the inside, then turn it right side out so it pokes out the top of the hat. I find I can make two hats from a ball of yarn, though sometimes it runs a little short. If you use the same green or brown as the stem to do the last two or three row on the bottom of the hat (after the decreases), then it makes a nice border, and saves on the orange yarn.
Here are some pictures of Elizabeth wearing her hat. Notice how different it looks depending on how far back it's pushed, and how much of the bottom band shows.
We thank thee, O God, for a prophet To guide us in these latter days. We thank thee for sending the gospel To lighten our minds with its rays. We thank thee for every blessing Bestowed by thy bounteous hand. We feel it a pleasure to serve thee And love to obey thy command.
When dark clouds of trouble hang o’er us And threaten our peace to destroy, There is hope smiling brightly before us, And we know that deliv’rance is nigh. We doubt not the Lord nor his goodness. We’ve proved him in days that are past. The wicked who fight against Zion Will surely be smitten at last.
We’ll sing of his goodness and mercy. We’ll praise him by day and by night, Rejoice in his glorious gospel, And bask in its life-giving light. Thus on to eternal perfection The honest and faithful will go, While they who reject this glad message Shall never such happiness know. --William Fowler
Boy were today's General Conference talks great, or what? I really felt like at least half of the speakers were talking to me about my individual problems. For those of you who don't get daily phone calls from me (and that includes my future self and people who will, with any luck, read this like my journal years from now), here's a quick rundown of what those individual problems are:
On Thursday night, Peter watched part of the Vice Presidential debate. After a while, I'd had about all I could take of people arguing, twisting one another's words and saccharine-sweetly telling each other they respected them for opinions that they don't really hold. I used Elizabeth's walk as an excuse to get us out of the house, but Peter and I ended up talking politics the whole time. By the time we got home and got dinner on the stove, I was incredibly hungry (Elizabeth didn't take a nap at lunchtime), dehydrated (nursing mothers need to drink LOTS of water), headachey, and grumpy. I've been trying to fight off a blue funk that appeared out of the blue this week, and it's been letting all sorts of anxieties start to overwhelm me.
The house isn't selling, and who knows if there will be anybody to loan money to a buyer in our price range? Speaking of selling the house, it's killer to try to live at this pitch of cleanliness, and I haven't been keeping up since I got back from the trip. I haven't had decent sleep in weeks, and the other day I put Elizabeth in her crib and let her cry while I napped for an hour (which shows you how tired I was, 'cause her cries are usually better than an alarm clock for waking me up). I have no appetite, but have other hungry mouths to feed, Peter's been complaining about his temp job, and I just got word that another friend died as a result of a disease I have, and live with symptoms of every day. I read in the Ensign that there are appalling numbers of abortions in our nation, and in the voter packet that they need a law to make sure pregnant teenage girls actually tell their parents before getting an abortion. On top of all this, you want me to figure out how to fix the nation's Health care problems, immigration, and decide which of the two lying politicians I should pick as leader of the free world?
It's too much! I can't deal with it, and my brain is starting to shut down. I simply can not think about certain things if I want to survive. As tired as I am, I often can't fall back to sleep after the 3 am feeding because my mind is too busy. I know I need to take care of myself, but it's really hard sometimes.
And then we had General Conference. I didn't hear every word of every talk (Elizabeth isn't nearly as interested in listening as I am, or as interested in napping during Conference as her dad is -- though he stayed awake through the whole thing this time! I'm so proud of him! -- and then there was the termite inspector...), but what I did hear really touched me. I guess I'm not the only person in the world who has been hit with tough economic times, and is overwhelmed by the world's calamities, and honestly, When I really think about it, I haven't been hit as hard as most.
Before I go on, I'd like to thank Mormon Times for posting quick summaries and quotes from the talks, since the official transcript won't be up on LDS.org till Thursday at the earliest.
President Monson reminded us in the very first talk that our Heavenly Father is mindful of each one of us and our individual needs.
Elder L. Tom Perry talked about mortal life as a cycle of "good and bad times, ups and downs, periods of joy and sadness and times of plenty as well as scarcity" he also said that "One of the challenges of this mortal experience is not to allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us."
Elder Elder Neil L. Andersen also talked about challenges, difficulties, questions, and doubts, but reiterated the comforting words: Fear and faith cannot coexist. In our days of difficulty, we can choose the road of faith.
Elder Marcos A. Aidukaitis talked about the stress and sacrifice of his father's conversion and baptism -- not my current problem, but it's just fun to see him again! (He and his family lived in the Lorain Ward with us in Ohio for a while, and they were great friends)
Elder Dallin H. Oaks said that we live in the "perilous times" prophesied by the Apostle Paul. and warned that we can get distracted, degraded, downhearted or depressed unless we stay focused.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave a beautiful talk about Hope, which I really needed. (I'm borrowing most of the Mormon Times summary here) He said that it's one leg of a three-legged stool, together with Faith and Charity that stabilize our lives regardless of the rough or uneven surfaces we might encounter. Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness, but its absence, when the desires of our hearts are delayed, can made the heart sick. We have the responsibility to make hope an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. In opposition to hope, despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. It kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul and deadens the heart. Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill his promises. It is confidence that if we live according to God's laws and the words of his prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered, manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and perseverance.
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin told us about his mother's wise words: Come what may--and love it. He counselled us to laugh in the face of adversity and seek for the eternal. I liked when he reminded us that "the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us." and that it's useless to say "why me?" when everyone is singled out sometime. My favorite line from his talk was: Sometimes, the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome. He finished by saying that the Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in his own way, and not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father.
Later in the day, I was thinking about Elder Wirthlin's talk, especially the "suffer us to overcome" line. The Spirit brought to mind the image of me putting Elizabeth into her carseat or holding her while the doctor gives her shots. I'm saying, "I know you don't like it. I'm sorry, but it has to be done. I love you. It'll be all right soon. It's only for a little while, etc..." I feel like today's conference talks were God's way of putting his arms around me and saying, "I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry, but it's only for a little while, and there really is a reason."
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave a beautiful talk about angels. He said that angels are all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal, but all doing the Lord's work of comforting and expressing God's love for His children. Heaven, he said, never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that 'angelic' is the only word that comes to mind. God may feel far away, but he is always watching and assisting his children.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson spoke about Zion. This evening, Mom and I were talking about what he said about materialism. We don't need things to make us happy, but the Lord knows we like things, and sometimes leads us to good deals so we can have the nice things we like without having to pursue materialism. A friend of mine saw Elizabeth's pumpkin hat and asked if I'd thought about selling them. I said that unless somebody was willing to pay $25 or $30, it wouldn't be worth my time. Later, she was looking at it closely, and asked if I really had just made it. I said that I had, and said I'd make her one. Only on my way home, did I realize that doing it for money isn't worth my time, but doing it for friendship totally is. I think I'm doing all right on the materialism scale this week.
Elder David A. Bednar's talk reminded me that I ought to spend more time in prayer, thanking my Heavenly Father for the things our family has rather than just requesting the blessings I think we need. Peter, Elizabeth and I are all relatively healthy. We have a home that's not going into foreclosure. Peter has a job that pays enough that we're spending less than he makes, even when I go out and buy craft supplies for Halloween costumes and pumpkin hats. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and didn't use money problems as an excuse to start fighting and ruin our relationship (like some people I know). We have a beautiful daughter, who's learning new things, and even when she doesn't nap (like this week), she has the best temperament of any baby I've ever met.
Even the songs at conference were perfect. After sobbing through most of Elder Holland's talk, we were asked to sing with The Primary Choir. Teach me to walk in the light of His love...wasn't just referring to the academics of the scriptures (as we were reminded by ELder Causse), it's about the light of God's love that drives out the darkness of dispair, and I needed to learn about it today. Come little child and together we'll learn. It's nice to be reminded sometimes that I don't know everything (because if what I know is all there is, then the world is a pretty depressing place).
The last hymn was the best though. The second verse of that song never sounded so appropriate before (if you weren't paying attention, that's today's poem, with the relevant bits bolded). I don't doubt the Lord or his goodness. I've proved him in days that are past. I know that deliverance is nigh. I just need to be reminded of all that.
I am not the only person in the world right now that feels anxious, overwhelmed and depressed. It's pretty clear when so many of the talks focus on the same issues, that they're issues that are important to many Saints. Today's Conference talks, and the movie about President Monson that they showed between sessions, reminded me over and over that Heavenly Father hears and answers the prayers of His children. He loves me personally, and has a plan for my life. My adversity and afflictions shall be but a small moment, and if I endure it well, God will exalt me on High. It really is all gonna be okay.
It’s conference time in Salt Lake City, Where flowers bloom on Temple Square. The Saints have come by wheels or jet plane; A special feeling fills the air.
The Tabernacle doors are open; Now friends can meet along each aisle. The organ thrills us with its music. It’s conference time; the heavens smile.
Before it’s over, rain may freshen The grounds and people outside there, Just as the words we hear will quicken Our thirsty hearts like answered prayer.
It’s conference time. The Brethren speak In faith and truth—no doubt, no fear. Then the Lord’s own chosen prophet Will bless the people far and near. --Mabel Jones Gabbott
OK, this is not her best work (Sitting for hours in the cold October rain is supposed to remind us of God's love?), but hey, how many poems are there about General Conference itself?
Though Elizabeth is not old enough for most of these activities, I have friends and family members who might like to print a couple out for their kids to do during conference. For more ideas, search the Friend at LDS.org for "Funstuf" or "For Little Friends" or "Conference"
You can get pictures of general authorities from the last conference issue to update the games that need it. If anyone knows where to find it online let me know.
I've also scanned in a few of the pages I've pulled from old Friend magazines that have pictures that aren't online.
Was this the face that launched a thousand ships? And burnt the topless towers of Ilium? Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss: Her lips suck forth my soul, see where it flies: And all is dross that is not Helena: I will be Paris, and for love of thee, Instead of Troy shall Wertenberg be sack'd, And I will combat with weak Menelaus, And wear thy colours on my plumed crest: Yea I will wound Achillis in the heel, And then return to Helen for a kiss. O thou art fairer than the evening air, Clad in the beauty of a thousand stars, Brighter art thou than flaming Jupiter, When he appear'd to hapless Semele, More lovely than the monarch of the sky In wanton Arethusa's azur'd arms, And none but thou shalt be my paramour. --Christopher Marlowe
I chose this poem today because it references Greek mythology -- a subject my friend Sherri and I spent a lot of time talking about together. This speech is quoted all the time in pop culture, but my favorite reference is from the movie Shakespeare in Love (by Tom Stoppard). Will and Henslowe are auditioning actors for Romeo and Juliet. According to the stage directions in the script, "a succession of would-be actors offer their version of Marlowe's lines, each as inappropriate as the other." They get through everybody without finding anyone with the slightest possibility of playing Romeo, and are about to leave when one more actor comes onstage and says, "I would like to do a speech by a writer who commands the heart of every player." Will, and the audience, expect him to launch into Faustus again, but instead, he (well actually she, but this is Shakespeare, so what do you expect?) feelingly recites several lines from Shakespeare's latest play: "What light is light, if Sylvia be not seen? What joy is joy if Sylvia be not by?" It's a great scene in a great movie (though you should be warned that it has some scenes that ought to be fast forwarded, or at least watched with a pillow in front of the screen).
On to the personal stuff...
I was getting in tough with old friends recently, and finally reached my former roommate and landlord Emily. She told me that One of the other girls that lived with us is living in Fullerton, and that she could forward me her email address (which made me happy, since I had been searching for her too), and that our fourth roommate was "no longer with us."
Evidently Sherri Frye Panhorst took her own life while eight months pregnant over a year ago. I don't know the details, but evidently she had stopped taking medications in order to get pregnant, and got overwhelmed. I was really worried about something like that happening to me when I went off my medications before getting pregnant with Elizabeth. I seem to be doing all right (except for some sometimes acute situational anxiety and depression this summer), but every time I hear that a friend has taken her own life, I wonder if that'll be me someday. I hope not. I know I have a lot of other options before it comes to that...but one of the symptoms of this disease is that you really aren't thinking clearly about rational options when you're in the throes of it.
I kind of wish I had known about it at the time so I could have gone to the funeral, but at the same time, I'm kind of glad I didn't. I had just gotten pregnant again after my miscarriage, and I was trying to buy and move into a new home, so I was in a kind of fragile emotional state. I think that it really would have hit me hard at that time -- maybe even harder than Traci's death did this year.
Well, enough about me. I thought it would be nice to write down some of my memories of Sherri, since I wasn't really keeping a journal at the time. Sherri, Elizabeth and I moved in with Emily right after she bought her condo in HB, and not long after that Pierside Ward split, and we were just barely over the line that put us in Seacliff (not that that matters -- I'm just putting things into context for my future self. Actually, most of this post is for my future self, so if you didn't know Sherri, you might not get much out of it. Sorry).
Anyway, Sherri was a pretty, thin popular girl -- physically, she looked like the quintessential HB girl with bleached blonde hair, and fashionable clothes. Frankly, she intimidated me because she was all those things I thought I could never be. Over time, as I got to know her better, I found that she was a wonderful person, and we formed a great relationship. I think it's probably one of the best examples of a real symbiotic friendship I've ever had. I taught Sherri a lot of things from the academic point of view (we'll talk about that in a minute), but in return, she taught me a lot about the social and fashion stuff that I had somehow missed in my life. We went through my closet, and she told me which clothes I wasn't allowed to wear anymore, then took me shopping to find some key pieces in that year's fashions. She showed me how to look for clothes that I'd like, and that would flatter my figure, and not break the bank -- it was like being on one of those TV makeover shows. It was in the process of making over my life that she helped me start, that I decided to get back in touch with Peter, and we all know how that turned out.
She also decided that in exchange for the hours I spent on the summer day camp she was trying to put together, she'd make lunch for me every day. This was deeply important to me because at the time, I was in one of my unable-to-eat phases. Sherri's lunches took a huge piece of stress out of my food day, and really improved my overall health, since I probably wouldn't have eaten at all on many of those days if she hadn't packed it for me.
One of the earliest memories I have of Sherri was from even before we moved in together. We were carpooling with some other Ward members up to the LA Temple, and one of the guys was giving her a hard time about not knowing what some Mormon jargon meant. It was only then that I learned that she was a very recent convert who knew almost nothing about the church she had joined except that the Gospel was true, and Christ was the Savior. As roommates, with another, newer, convert in the mix, we had lots of discussions about gospel topics, and I did a lot of explaining of scriptural language, timelines, and even basic scripture stories. One funny memory was when I was telling her about Noah and decided that she might remember the story better if she heard Bill Cosby tell it.
One of the things I had to remind myself of often while living with Sherri, and which bears repeating here since I can't give you a full picture of her, and it may seem lopsided, was that she was not dumb. She was a smart person, who loved to learn, but her life had taken a very different path than mine in our younger years, and she simply hadn't had a chance to learn things that I had been taught very young, and took for granted.
Sherri was a private tutor for kids in Elementary School, and needed to find a way to get some income when school let out for the summer. The father of one of her students thought that it would be a good idea to develop a summer day camp based on the idea of Cultural Literacy. It would start out with a week about ancient Egypt and another on Greece, and then move on to science and astronomy, and that was just the first year. The possibilities for this thing were endless. The only problem was that Sherri was, by the definition of this book, culturally illiterate (remember that doesn't mean dumb, she had just missed learning about any of it). I started out defining some terms for her, and then telling her some of the stories from Greek mythology, and ended up spending several hours a week reading books and distilling the information into manageable bites for her, and finding and planning activities that would be age appropriate and educational. Sherri ate it up. She got fascinated by the subjects, and one of the things we had to do was continually remind her that there was no way she could cover everything there was to know about ancient Egypt in a single week, and that was OK.
I lost track of Sherri when we both moved. I always imagined that she had gone on to make a great program for kids, and be a great friend to those she knew. I never really thought about her getting married, and I'm thrilled that she got the chance. I'm very sad that she didn't get the chance to hold her baby and watch him grow, as I'm watching Elizabeth -- it's one of the great joys of my life, and I know she would have loved it. Sherri was a good person, though. She was a faithful church member and I assume she and her baby are now together in heaven. I know a lot of people who look forward to getting to heaven because then they'll be able to learn the answers to all the unanswered questions they had in life. I like to imagine that Sherri is up there just soaking up all the knowledge God has to offer.
