Note: This post never went live back in 2009. I'm posting it now to clean up my drafts folder

Well, you can guess from my lack of posts that I've had a terrible month.

The last time I posted was around Christmas. I've been in therapy since the economic and family crisis craziness started last June, but even that wasn't enough to keep my spirits up under six months of constant stress and uncertainty. Seeing myself get more and more depressed and anxious, my doctors and I decided it was time to go back on medication. We picked a drug I haven't been on before because it's supposedly the best for breastfeeding. One real problem with it though is that not only does it take several weeks to kick in, but you actually feel worse before you feel better. It's one of the ones that increases suicides in some patients, and I got the full brunt of it. I had no energy, I felt like crying all the time, and some days it was impossible to make myself do even the simplest of tasks. I felt like I was swimming through molasses -- it was so frustrating!

One of the worst parts was that I knew there was no rational reason to be upset most of the time. I honestly couldn't trust, or often even interpret, what I was feeling or why.

The Ball Poem by John Berryman

The Ball Poem

What is the boy now, who has lost his ball,
What, what is he to do? I saw it go
Merrily bouncing, down the street, and then
Merrily over--there it is in the water!
No use to say 'O there are other balls':
An ultimate shaking grief fixes the boy
As he stands rigid, trembling, staring down
All his young days into the harbour where
His ball went. I would not intrude on him,
A dime, another ball, is worthless. Now
He senses first responsibility
In a world of possessions. People will take balls,
Balls will be lost always, little boy,
And no one buys a ball back. Money is external.
He is learning, well behind his desperate eyes,
The epistemology of loss, how to stand up
Knowing what every man must one day know
And most know many days, how to stand up
And gradually light returns to the street
A whistle blows, the ball is out of sight,
Soon part of me will explore the deep and dark
Floor of the harbour . . I am everywhere,
I suffer and move, my mind and my heart move
With all that move me, under the water
Or whistling, I am not a little boy.
--John Berryman

Lizbeth's class is doing a unit on balls. Her teacher asked us all to send some balls to school for them to sort, experiment with, compare, etc. I thought that the teacher might want to see or use some of our other ball toys, but might not want me to send them ALL to school. So here is a sampling of our ball toys

1. Ball and stick magnet building sets with marble sized ball bearings
2. Mega Bloks Ball and stick magnet building set with tennis ball sized balls We also have a roller coaster for the big magnetic balls.
3. Discovery Toys Marbleworks Marble Race Game
4. Marble Mania Galaxy - Electric ball roller coaster for balls slightly bigger than marbles. This is glow in the dark and shoots the balls up a rocket to get to the top. Not my video, but it is the same set we have
5. Chaos Toy - Electric ball roller coaster for balls slightly smaller than ping pong balls. This is about 6 feet tall and is fully customizable with all kinds of different ways to put it together. It's good for experimenting with to find just the right angle for bouncing balls, etc. The video is not mine, but is the same set that we have.
6. Indoor golf holes and clubs
7. Marble race type games for golf ball sized balls. One is wooden and the balls go around on static ramps before ringing a bell at the bottom. The other can switch which order the plastic ramps go on.
8. Lots of Bakugan - Balls that transform into robots and Zoobles - Balls that transform into cute animals and a fun treehouse that the Zoobles can roll and play in
9. Fisher Price Stacking and Nesting ball toy. It has ten half spheres that connect in several different ways
10. Tumble Tower - This is another old Fisher Price toy with a bunch of marbles going through an obsticle course to get from the top to the bottom.
11. A large collection of Fisher Price Roll Arounds balls (each one has a different moving toy inside the clear ball) and accessories Gumball Machine Here's Bridget playing with the gumball machine when it had batteries Caterpillar pull toy Ball Monster Tree House
12. Ball and hammer toy
13. Ball Ski Jump Chair

While I was looking for some of the older videos, I found these that show why we have so many ball toys Lizbeth gets a strike while bowling her first time Lizbeth says, "Roll Ball" Lizbeth plays ball ski jump on Mama's legs Lizbeth plays with Afterdark Lizbeth makes noises with a ball Lizbeth plays a first game And Bridget likes balls too

A, You're Adorable by Buddy Kaye and Fred Wise

A, You're Adorable

A, you're adorable
B, you're so beautiful
C, you're a cutie full of charms
D, you're a darling And
E, you're exciting And
F, you're a feather in my arms
G, you look good to me
H, you're so heavenly
I, you're the one I idolize
J, we're like Jack and Jill
K, you're so kissable
L is the love light in your eyes
M, N, O, P, I could go on all day
Q, R, S, T, alphabetically speaking, you're okay
U made my life complete
V means you're very sweet
W, X, Y, Z
It's fun to wander through the alphabet with you
To tell you what you mean to me
--Buddy Kaye and Fred Wise

One of my favorite board books is Baby's Alphabet by Jean Marzollo. It has photos of babies doing baby things for each letter of the alphabet. After reading it to Lizbeth, I thought that the only thing that would make it better would be if they were photos of her. For Mother's Day, a few years ago, I made Elizabeth's Alphabet book, and I repeated it this year with photos of Bridget. I ended up with four extra pages in one of the photo albums, so I decided to write a few sentences about each photo. In an ideal world, I would interweave the photos with the text, but it's past my bedtime already, so I'll just post the text here, with a link to the album.

Bridget’s Alphabet -- Mother’s Day 2012

Apple: We went to Roy, Utah for your Cousin Hazel’s birthday party. After the party, you, Lizbeth and Hazel went out in the backyard to play. You found some apples, and were excited to cut them open and see if there were any worms inside.

Blue : This was taken on a scorching hot day at the Salem Days fair in August. You were just a few months old. To keep you cool, I fed you tiny chunks of blue sno-cone. You really enjoyed it, but got upset when the ice melted and I didn’t put another piece in quickly enough.

Chick: We got chicks in the spring of 2012 and kept them till they were big enough to go live in Aunt Judi Moore’s chicken coop. You and Lizbeth really loved chasing and holding the chicks, especially the little black one. You also loved dressing up and pretending to be chicks.

Cousins: Here is a photo of all the cousins at the family reunion we had in Salem, Ut just a month after you were born (or all the cousins at Grandma Kathey's house in Fairborn, Oh). It’s hard to get that many little ones happy and looking at the camera.

Dresses: These matching dresses were a gift from Grandma Becky. You love to be able to dress and act just like your sister, and I love to see how you and Lizbeth like to do things together.

Dog: This is Aunt Betsey’s puppy Maddie. You have your tongue out in the panting baby sign for Dog. Both you and Maddie were too young and excitable to be allowed to play together, but you liked to make faces at each other during dinners at Grandma Kathey’s house.

Easter: This was our Easter Egg hunt 2012. You and Lizbeth got new Easter bonnets, but you wanted to wear both hats at the same time. We compromised by letting you wear Lizbeth’s old hat along with your new one.

Eat: I love taking pictures of you while eating. With the light from the window making your hair and skin shine. I was disappointed that the print came out darker than it looked on the computer.

Friends: These are our friends Joel and Dallin Sanderson. We go to play with them once or twice a week. Daddy works at the Sandersons’ house.

Frog: Another eating picture that printed dark. You really enjoyed looking at your bibs and cups and finding the animals on them.

Goat: This is one of several photos in this book from our trips to Young’s Jersey Dairy. It’s a farm near Grandma Kathey’s house in Ohio. We go there to eat ice cream, feed the goats, look at the animals, and play.

Happy: This photo was taken by Aunt Lesli when she came out for Grandpa Roly’s funeral. Aunt Lesli takes beautiful photos, always managing to find good light and get candid expressions.

Insects: We all dressed up as insects for Halloween. Daddy is a green beetle, Mama is a purple butterfly, Lizbeth is the Very Hungry Caterpillar (that can go through complete metamorphosis), and Bridget is a bee.

July 4: We were out visiting Ohio, and went to the fireworks at Wright Patterson Air Force Base (where Grandpa Jim works) in the week before July 4th. This American Flag dress was on of my favorite outfits for you.

Karen: This photo was taken on the day Daddy gave you a name and a blessing at church.

Ladybug boots: You’ve always liked to wear shoes, no matter what size they are. In this photo, you were just barely learning to walk, and decided to put on Lizbeth’s ladybug boots. They were heavy, and up past your knees, and you either fell over, or slipped out of the boots at almost every step. You were thrilled to wear them anyway.

Monkey: For your first Christmas, I bought you monkey pajamas from Gymboree. That same week, Joel got a hooded monkey blanket, and I got a brown jacket. Lizbeth started calling it my ‘monkey jacket’ and convinced me to sew a face on the hood, I also made one for her, and another for you when you outgrew the pajamas.

Naked: After a trip to the zoo with some cousins, we made an unexpected trip to Salt Lake’s Liberty Park to play in the Seven Canyons fountain that represents the mountain streams that flow into the Great Salt Lake. I didn’t have a swim diaper so we just decided to let you play naked.

Oh! I was taking my annual Mother’s Day photos of you and Lizbeth in Grandma Becky’s yard, when you gave me this adorable surprised look.

Pooh: One of my favorite baby outfits is this little Winnie the Pooh sleeper and hat.

Princess: I got this crown from the Goodwill outlet in Ohio, and you immediately claimed it for your own. You are also far more interested in princesses and dressing up than Lizbeth ever was, and this photo is a celebration of that.

Princess piggy: You really like to wear hats. It’s often not enough for you to wear just one hat, so we stack them on top of each other.

Quiet: I sometimes miss the times when you slept so deeply as a little baby, all swaddled in your blanket...

Rabbit: Here you are in a cute bunny costume.

Sunshine on my Shoulder: I love the way you’re backlit here on the yellow playground equipment.

Swimsuit: This photo was taken at the Splashpad in Spanish Fork, Ut. You didn’t really like the spraying water, but you did like being there with Lizbeth and your cousins.

Slide: I think this is the slide at the Salem Pond playground. You really like going down the slide (though climbing up is sometimes traumatic).

Tractor: Another Young’s Jersey Dairy photo. Daddy likes to point out that T is also for his Theoryland t-shirt (from the Wheel of Time website).

Train: And another photo from Young’s. I tend to take more photos when we’re on vacation, I guess. You were a little scared, but you really enjoyed ringing the cowbell as the tractor pulled the train around.

Up: This is the airplane ride at Trafalga Lehi. We had passes that let us go as often as we liked for a few years.

Vroom: Both of these photos were taken on the same day as the Apple photo when we went to Cousin Hazel Mills’s birthday party.

Web: This spider web is at the same Ohio playground as the Sunshine and Dog photos. I also I sprained my ankle walking down the stairs at this playground.

White animals: At your first birthday party, I think these were the presents that you loved most. They certainly were some of your favorite toys for sleeping with.

Xmas: This is the Santa at the Provo Riverwoods shopping destination. He gave you the Snowman bath duck.

Xmas: We went all out dressing up for our Ward’s Christmas in Nauvoo program. Nobody else dressed up at all,

Young’s: The last of the Young’s Jersey Dairy shots. You and Lizbeth thought this giant pumpkin was really neat.

Zzzz: Here you are asleep again. It really is a wonderful thing for a mother to watch a baby sleep. You’re so relaxed here, and looking cute in an outfit from Aunt Miriam Stay. You’ve always been more willing than most children to go to bed when you’re tired. It’s a good habit, and I hope you’ll be able to keep it up.

Ready Set Silhouette

So I thought about how I'm not blogging much lately, and what I could have to write about these days, and I thought I'd switch off between reviews of the games I play with the girls, and the crafts we make.

Today I thought I'd start with a little game called Ready Set Silhouette.



It's based on the I Spy books from Scholastic, and has all the charming little miniatures that I love to look at. Each picture card has 8 or 9 little things on a white background. The object of the game is to find the matching silhouette card - clear cards with black silhouettes of the same objects.



We have a mini set that came from a Wendy's Kids meal. It has a little plastic box on a keychain to hold the cards, and only 12 pairs of cards. This size is perfect for playing with Lizbeth (who is three). If there were any more cards, they'd get mixed up and lost, and/or she'd have a hard time looking through them for the matches. As it is, we can spend about 20 minutes playing the game, and I can be sure that all the cards have their matches and get back into the box.

How do we like the game? It's simple enough for a three year old, but interesting enough that I don't get bored (it helps that it's essentially a sorting exercise, which my obsessive nature finds satisfying). The thing I like best is the moment when you've been twisting and flipping the card around, and everything finally lines up. There's a tiny outline of color, and then it's all black and white, neat and tidy.

The game teaches things like observation skills of course -- deciding what are the important features to look for, and then actually finding them. It also has a good spatial reasoning component because you have to twist and flip the clear cards to get everything to match.

All in all, I'd definitely reccomend this game -- though if I had a larger set, I'd probably only get out a few cards at a time.

Who needs math at a time like this?

This isn't a poem, but an essay I wrote ten years ago today. I was teaching Math -- as a substitute for Remedial Algebra actually -- at Southview High School in Lorain, Ohio on September 11, 2001. At one period change, a group of students came in and said something about a plane crash and asked if we could watch TV instead of holding class. Of course I didn't do anything of the kind, and it wasn't till I went to the teachers' lunchroom at the end of that period that I got the news. For the rest of the day, I insisted on holding class before turning the TV back on, and I was very disturbed by the attitudes of the students. I wrote this essay that night, in order to have something to motivate them the next day. I also posted it to some Math Teacher websites.

As a side note to this, I was going through some old papers in the attic a while later, and found a copy of the Detroit Free Press from January 29, 1986. The Headline of the article said, "STUDENTS EXPRESS SHOCK, DISMAY AT SHUTTLE EXPLOSION" the subtitle was a quote from me, "I felt like there was nothing inside me." I was in third or fourth grade (I had the same classroom, teacher, and most of the same students for both years, so I can never tell them apart) and our teacher, Mrs. Patterson was one of those in the running for the "Teacher in Space" program. We spent weeks leading up to the liftoff, studying the shuttle, and we knew just what would happen when we watched the liftoff in class. Except it didn't. I can still close my eyes and see the trails of smoking debris arching away from the explosion. We watched the same horrible moments over and over. Mrs. Patterson had us each write a paragraph about our feelings, and some of those were printed in the paper. It was like having a flashback to that day when I turned on the TV at Southview -- except that the kids were all turning to ME for reassurance.When I went home that day, I ate a lot of ice cream and cried.


Who needs math at a time like this?

As the terrible events of Tuesday unfolded, I heard some disturbing sentiments: "I just wanna leave" "So does this mean we don’t have to do our homework?" "Can we just skip class today and watch the news?" It seems to me that students are saying, "Who needs math at a time like this?" If we are to continue to teach, this question must be answered. So who needs math at a time like this?

Rescue workers digging people out of the rubble of collapsed buildings must be able to calculate how much force they can apply at what angle in order to lift blocks safely. They must be able to predict what buildings are about to fall, and where. They do not have time to find a calculator and look up the formula for volume on a cheat sheet, and yet they know that they have to dig through the equivalent of a city’s worth of buildings piled on top of each other.

Doctors and nurses must be able to calculate how much medicine to give each person based on body weight and other factors. They must be able to figure out how many liters of blood they need, and how much of the supply has already been used. They need to order supplies, and be aware of how much time goes by between repeated treatments.

Reporters are deluging us with facts, figures, and speculations about the times, places, and the number of dead, wounded, and survivors.

FAA workers had to calculate new flight plans to get all of the planes out of the air safely. If flight 496 left Salt Lake City at 5:15 am at 2000 miles per hour, and flight 901 is heading southwest out of Detroit at 8:30 at 1500 miles per hour, and they both have to land at the same airport in Illinois, will they crash?

The passengers on the Pennsylvania plane made a horrible calculation and decided to crash in a field now and die, rather than take the chance of hitting something bigger, and killing thousands of people when the hijackers reached their target.

As the nation rebuilds, architects and engineers will draw plans for new buildings that will be stronger than before: buildings that will take such punishment, and stay standing a few minutes longer, so a few more people can escape should another disaster occur. They will marvel at the ones who built so well that the towers would fall straight down, and not sideways, knocking down half the city in a domino effect.

On the back wall of my classroom, I have a poster that reads: ONLY THE EDUCATED ARE FREE. The United States can only maintain its freedom, prosperity, and stability with an educated populace. Our economy depends on skilled and technical labor. Our government depends on citizens who are well informed about the history and current events that lead to events like this. Those that are educated can lend a hand, or a mind, to build up any community, from organizing relief efforts to preserving peace in our ethnically diverse neighborhoods. Those who are ignorant can only riot, retaliate blindly, or watch in horror as the world crumbles around them.

In answer to the question, who needs math at a time like this, all I can say is, at a time like this, who can do without it?

Were You There On That Christmas Night? by Natalie Sleeth

Were You There On That Christmas Night?

Where you there? Where you there
On that Christmas night?
When the world was filled with a holy light?
Where you there to behold as the wonder foretold
Came to Earth?

Did you see? Did you see?
How they hailed him king?
With their gifts so rare that they chose to bring?
Did you see how they bowed as they praised him aloud
At his birth?

Did you hear how the choirs of angels sang
At the glory of the sight?
Did you hear how the bells of Heaven rang
All through the night?

Did you know, did you know
It was God's own son?
The salvation of the world begun?
Did you know it was love that was sent from above
To the Earth?

Did you know it was love that was sent from above
To the Earth?

--Natalie Sleeth

I sang this song in choir in I think 6th grade, and it's still one of my favorites.

I thought I'd post a few of the christmas crafts I've been doing, so without further ado, here's what we did today in preschool:



These sheep are made on empty thread spools. I hot glued pipe cleaner legs (each pair of legs is a V shaped pipe cleaner) and felt heads on, then let the kids wind the fuzzy yarn wool on. Winding wool between the pipe cleaner legs holds them in place.

---

Here's a project I made for my Sister in Law Marcelle to share with her kids. I also made a set for our family. Each night we put a piece on and sing a song that relates to the piece.



This image has both sets together to show how the pieces look in the pockets, and also in the stable above.



Here are the templates if you want to make one yourself. Look at my colors, or choose your own.

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This is a page I altered from one I found online. It's another fun project to do with kids at Christmas. The rest of the project can be found here

Grandpa Roly

The Battle Cry of Freedom

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow,
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!
And every where that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom

(chorus)
Hurrah for the Mary, Hurrah for the Lamb
Hurrah for the teacher, who didn't give a particle
If all the lambs in Mary's town went marching off to school
They'd be shouting out the battle cry of freedom!

Mary had a little lamb she tied it to a well
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!
She took a stick of dynamite and blew it all to -- pieces
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!

(chorus)

Mary had a little lamb she also had a bear
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!
I've often seen her little lamb. I've never seen her bare.
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!

(chorus)

Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!
Mary had a little cake, and Mary had a stomach ache.
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!

(chorus)

The elephant's a funny bird it leaps from bough to bough
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!
It makes its nest in the rhubarb tree and barks just like a cow.
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!

(chorus)

I eat my peas with honey, I have done it all my life,
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!
It makes the peas taste funny, but it keeps them on my knife.
Shouting out the battle cry of freedom!

(chorus)

-Anonymous Scout song based on songs by George F Root and Sarah Hale

This song was a Scout song that I learned from mom, who learned it from Grandpa Roly. I didn't hear him sing much, but when he did, it was generally songs like this one. Another of hi favorites was "More Work for the Undertaker" which I ought to post here someday, but I think it's a bit morbid for my post today.

Grandpa Roly Holt died this morning. He had gotten sick while on vacation with my parents, and he spent the last month or so in the hospital getting progressively worse each time the doctors thought they had fixed or at least stabilized the problems. Mom says that at the end, he was peaceful, and the doctors had made him comfortable, and he slipped away at about four this morning with Mom beside him telling him how much we all loved him.

And Grandpa Roly was loved. It always surprised and pleased him when people did nice things for him, so it was fun for me to do things like plan his birthday party last year. Mom was in Ohio, so I put together a simple family party with cake and candles, and balloons and streamers, and a few presents I had picked up at the DI. He was as pleased a punch, and immediately went into his room to show me which suit he intended to wear the tie with. He even wanted to open up and share the Snickers bar I got him.

Grandpa Roly loved to talk, and could find a connection with any person he ever met. He remembered even the most obscure acquaintances, and could tell you the personal and family histories of the people who worked in the store where he bought the suit that went with that birthday tie (and WOULD, at great length, every chance he got).

He was a bit obsessive, and repetition comforted him, so it was often very easy to predict what he'd say in any given situation.

• Even when we were young, we knew that when he had his extended family around, he'd sing "Boys and Girls Together" and say, "A real slice of life!" as if having us around was like eating a piece of pie or cake.
  
• He loved to eat pie and cake, and anything with gravy on it. In fact, every time there was gravy at dinner, he'd tell the story of when he was young, and they were eating Meat and potatoes, and he'd asked for some gravy to go with it. "Whaddaya want gravy for with meat 'n potatoes?" his dad Harry Holt asked him. Then shaking his head, he'd said, "Boy, you'd eat gravy on ice cream."
  
• When we'd finish our vacation, and get in the van to drive home, his last goodbye would be to give the car's hood a couple of good whacks, as if to tell the car, "take good care of them." In later years, the kids would be whispering, "Hit the car! Hit the car!" as Dad was getting ready to pull out, almost worried that he'd forget, but also, sure that he wouldn't.
  
• I think that One of the reasons Mom was happy to leave the cat behind when they moved, was that every time he saw her, he's say, "Miss Kitty Cat. Your name is Kitty, and you're a cat, so your name is Miss Kitty Cat!" Every time he said it, it was as if he'd discovered a clever idea for the first time, and it honestly drove Mom up the wall.
  
• The newspaper also had a nickname. The Deseret News, which he wasn't fond of, but had to subscribe to in order to get the Church News was the "Deserted News" and the funny pages were always the "Educational Section"
  

Most of us grinned and rolled our eyes when he'd say these things for the gazillionth time, but Lizbeth hadn't learned these habits yet. Every time he'd call her "Daughter of Zion" or "Miss Liz" or "Mis Ahlstrom" or "Darlin'" or any of his other nicknames, she'd say, "No. I'm not Miss Ahlstrom. I'm Lizbeth." After a while, I think she decided it was a game he liked to play, so no matter what he said, she'd contradict him. "No. Not good morning." I think it's interesting that after he had been gone for a week or so, on this vacation, she spent a day insisting that we call her Liz because, "That what Grandpa Roly says."

Elizabeth was a little wary of him at first, when we moved into the Salem House, and wouldn't go up to him, or submit to be hugged whenever he decided to grab her (his timing on hugs wasn't always convenient for any of us). As time went on though, he realized that if he let her come to him, he'd get plenty of hugs on HER terms. Just like most good things, he was surprised and pleased whenever she would come up and give him a hug and kiss and say, "I love you Grandpa Roly." She would sit on the couch next to him, or in his lap when watching movies, and even got him to read to her sometimes. I always though it was cute to watch him read to her because even with books that we'd read so many times we had them memorized, he was discovering the book for the first time as he read it to her, and would look at a picture and say, "Oh! Look. There's the monkey!" or something like that.

He also adored Bridget. I let him hold her in the hospital when she was only about a day old, and he discovered that he was good at holding a baby. From then on, every time we'd walk into the house, his fingers would start to itch, and he would happily hold Bridget for hours on end while she cooed and gurgled at him. He'd stick his finger into her hand and say, "Grabba Holt!" and laugh at his little pun. He loved looking at baby fingers, and would say, "Look at those little fingernails!" in a hushed, awed voice every time he saw tiny fingers.

Other people know more about his years of dedicated service in scouting, as bishop of an enormous ward, and as the best clerk and executive secretary that any ward leaders could wish for. I'll let them share those stories. What I know best is the way he treated me.

He was a kind, gentle man, and he loved me unconditionally. In college, I was often depressed, and went to visit Grandma and Grandpa when I was having trouble coping. Grandma would cook for me, and we'd watch old movies together, and do crafts, but Grandpa would just get a sweet sad look on his face and give me a long hug. I never saw him angry except when he felt like somebody he loved was being hurt. He'd defend Grandma from her sisters when he felt like she needed it, and the two times I was badly hurt by people close to me, I could tell that he really wished he could give those people a piece of his mind.

Grandpa Roly will be greatly missed in this world, but I know that he will be greeted with joy in the world to come. He missed Grandma Fawnie terribly, and now they can be together forever. Goodbye Grandpa Roly. We love you.